Strength 5

We were expecting the world from this for some reason. While it's not a bad brew, something was just not right. It doesn't seem fine, yet we ended up with a very powdery cup that had that dry, metallic taste. It smelt divine though - the whole building smelt like a coffee grinding mill. For now, we'll give it the benefit of the doubt and hope the error was in the making!  Judge rating (7/10)

This is a new one from the guys at Brown Bear - it's a super strength 5 roast and so should be right up our street, as regular readers of the Judge's musings will know we like 'em with a bit of grunt. Following in the Brown Bear tradition of marketing nonsense, the side of the packet claims that this one tastes of almost every berry/fruit/biscuit the world has every known - we'd love to go to one of their branding meetings and see how they come up with all this as clearly they are under the influence of something when they take pen to paper and even Oscar Wilde couldn't compete with these nutters. Despite the verbiage, this has been a breath of fresh air to us - the first really decent coffee we've had in a while. We've had too many so-so brews lately where we're struggling to enthuse. But this is right up there - smooth, strong and so easy to grind and make - a child could do it. And although it is strong, it's not in a face smashing kind of way - you could feed this to an legion of primadonna's and we guarantee they'll neck it straight down without a wimper. The only thing we can dock it for is the blurb - it's a resounding 9/10

These Brown Bear packs are heavy as hell - it says 225g or whatever on the side but it feels like they've chucked just that bit more in there. There's nothing worse than a bag of coffee that rattles around making you feel like you've been stitched up. This is their Italian which, for those who think that the coffee must have been grown in Italy, actually just means burnt. Ok... that's a bit harsh, but for the un initiated out there, to make an Italian coffee you just shake out the dust from your Vespa tail pipe before sleeping with the next woman you meet - available or not - and then going home and having your mother cook your tea. So it's not for the faint hearted. Luckily, here at Judge Towers we like giving a Vespa tail pipe a good rimming, and that's just what this is. The beans are clearly two types - there's a lighter and darker one in there - and they're pretty greasy - a sure sign of having been given a damn good roasting as it's this that drives the oil out of the poor little mites. You need to be careful with this one though - like all dark and powerful coffees - just one grain too many in that plunger and you'll be jittering all the way to A&E to get some sedatives. It takes some care with the grinding too - we've been chipping the sludge off the bottom of the mugs all week. Anyway - we love it. It's not sophisticated (like the Italians might have you believe) but it's a good 'un. An extra point for the very useful packet too - it re-seals. YES - it actually does! 9/10

This is a strength 5 coffee that everyone should try. I didn't even realise it was a five until we'd finished the packet and I saw the label. Yes it has all the good points of a fiver, but none of the bads. In the cup, even from our french press, it looks so appetising - a nice layer of light coloured head which just invites you to slurp it up. And no matter how many times I made it - every cup came out identical. Perfect for the coffee making novice - I defy anyone to cock this one up. All the way down the cup, the strong flavour holds, with no nasty aftertaste. Just that slight creamy feel on your tongue. It somehow feels as comforting as a cup of hot cocoa on a cold winters night. The only thing holding me back from givng this a full 10/10 rating is the lack of any fancy flowery-ness. But then it never claimed to have that - so maybe that's just my problem? Anyway - its a 9/10

This is exactly what you want from a strength 5 coffee - tons of flavour and a real caffeine hit - but you do need to treat it carefully. If you over do this one and spoon up one too many, you'll end up with a cigar-laden ash tray that no amount of sugar can bring back from the brink. So once you find your level with it - stick to it. Don't go thinking "Let's knock up a stronger one..." because you will regret it. We've found this one very useful too at beefing up some other weedier coffees - ones that we like the taste of but just dont quite have the fullness of flavour we're after. Adding one spoon of this ball crusher into the mix with your fragrant but weak Kenyan delicacy will really liven it up, without destroying the subtler flavours. Give it a go kids - it may be "own brand" but who gives a f*ck - it's a 9/10 from the Judge!

First things first - we don't like to be told when to have our coffee. So we made this "morning" coffee in the middle of the afternoon, just because we can. The top of this one is really filthy dirty - loads of swirls of powder and oil - which us Judges actually don't mind - although your average punter might. The first thing you notice is the smell of a harsh coffee - this is a strength 5 after all - but your immediate thought is cheap Robusta beans. Now it doesn't say so on the packet, but it also doesn't say 100% Arabica, which we've now taken to mean it's full of the cheap stuff. Even checking out the Douwe Egberts website doesn't give you any more clues. Everything about the Douwe Egberts packaging is dumbed-down for the average Joe - they don't want to tell you much about it, 'cos they don't think you'll understand!  Despite all this, it's OK and a good hit - just a little harsh. 6/10

We don't often get coffees that come from this far flung part of the world (Tesco - Sidcup). They claim fruity on this one - but no, it's not. But that doesn't make it a bad one - this is just a damn fine cup of coffee with no whistles and bells. No lemon, no choc, no fruit...  just coffee. Maybe we're getting a bit too poncy in our coffee tastes these days - and we kind of expect some kind of swanky sophistication, rather than brute force coffee. This one is definitely a MAN's coffee. There's no drinking this one from a tiny doll's house tea cup. It's for serving from a big mug - made of thick china that can cope with the heavy liquid within. Are you getting the picture? Just a couple of points off this one for the slight metallic aftertaste. 8/10

As Wacko Jacko said, minutes before keeling over in a drug induced haze, "This is it". The best Grumpy Mule there is. This one is impossible to f*ck up - evey time you pour this little beauty into the cup your legs are gonna be quivering, barely able to take your weight, in anticipation of what's to come, as it's looks so good and smells so good you know it's going to blow you away. It's a heavy, thick coffee clearly designed for MEN - there's not a hint of gay-as-a-lord zestyness or citrus. It's just C.O.F.F.E.E. The only thing that can stop me giving this a 10/10 is the usual Mule pricing - its a fiver a pop. Even on Amazon. But tell you what folks - do your self a favour and give it a go... 9/10

We've had a Monsoon Malabar before from Waitrose, and we didn't like it, so we're not expecting much here. The package seems to suggest that a toffish bird can take it, where as a chavvy parrot will be left reeling from this bad boy.  The initial smell off of the cup is what we expected - filthy, dirty and harsh. So you kind of hold your nose before diving in - but initial gulps would have you believe that this one 'aint bad! Strong - yes - but not quite such a filth-monger as the name would suggest. As you go down the cup though, the after taste on the tongue builds up and the grinds from the bottom well up and start to choke you. It's just about OK, but only for serious coffee fans. The average parrot best stick to his millet. 6/10

This is a real punchy little Whittard. It's a strength 5, and it tastes it - don't give this one to your mum thinking you can dumb it down and it'll all be ok, because it won't. The smell off the freshly brewed cup is powerful and enticing - there's no way you can forget this one and leave it to go cold by mistake. In fact, I never even put the cup down. 8/10