India

We’ve only ever had a few Indian coffees before and, to be honest, they normally aren’t that great. Terrible infact. But that’s not really surprising in a country which has devoted itself to tea production. They generally are Robusta based rather than Arabica which, if you don’t know what we’re talking about, means they are strong and harsh. This one claims to be of finest Arabica though – so somehow they’ve managed to find somewhere in India that has the right climate for a decent bean.  And yes – it’s true. This is one of the best coffees we’ve tasted in a while – even grinding it badly ourselves, we just couldn’t cock it up. It’s almost a 10 out of 10 – but we're taking one off just because it’s a "plain" coffee – there wasn’t much of a head on it, so it didn’t look anything special and there were no distinctive flavours in there other than coffee. No hints of fruit or nuts or anything complicated. The guy from India sent us this to try eight months ago but due to an administrative error, we’ve only just found it behind the dog food. It says on it best before Jan and so it's effectively stale - but it still rocks!  (9/10)

We've had a Monsoon Malabar before from Waitrose, and we didn't like it, so we're not expecting much here. The package seems to suggest that a toffish bird can take it, where as a chavvy parrot will be left reeling from this bad boy.  The initial smell off of the cup is what we expected - filthy, dirty and harsh. So you kind of hold your nose before diving in - but initial gulps would have you believe that this one 'aint bad! Strong - yes - but not quite such a filth-monger as the name would suggest. As you go down the cup though, the after taste on the tongue builds up and the grinds from the bottom well up and start to choke you. It's just about OK, but only for serious coffee fans. The average parrot best stick to his millet. 6/10

India is renowned for its tea, not its coffee, and that holds true here. We gave this the benefit of the doubt and had three goes at this, but every time it just got worse and worse. The first glug lulls you into a false sense of security before the after burn kicks in, leaving your entire thorax ripped out and lying in your lap. You just have to grin and bear it and hope the pain goes away. If you read the side of the packet, the writing was always on the wall for this one: they basically leave the bloody thing out in the rain - presumably going moldy - and then try and turn this neglect into a marketing gimmick. Give it up lads. 3/10.