August 2011

We've already reviewed this exact same coffee, but as Beans, not ground. So that's one variable taken out of the equation. We made a 6 spooner and it looked like used sump oil going into the cup - you really can notice the oily looking surface. The first mouthful felt like a punch in the throat from Mike Tyson; the second felt like him ripping your ear off - this is definitely not one for sissies. A whole mug of this bad boy is just too much - we must have over-egged it. I can't go higher than 5/10 just yet. Try again with a weaker mix.

First tasting for over a week - and onto a new brand. It didn't look appealing - an oily looking surface and very little foam. The initial smell was of cigar ash - which knocked me back a bit to say the least. Even the first taste had more of the taste when you pick up the wrong beer can at a party and its the one people have been using to put their butts in. Not sounding good so far?  Well.. you can warm to it a bit, but it's a bit harsh for my liking. Agricultural. 5/10

What are we doing starting the week with another one of these French Cheapies? Because we live on the edge, that's why. We wern't expecting much from this one but we did notice how finely ground it is, so we took the initiative to make it a bit weaker. And it worked! By which I mean it didn't taste of an old pub ashtray, which is what we've come to expect of these French bargain coffees. It did smell of ashtrays though - so if you hold your nose and glug it down I think you can give it a 4/10!

This has caused us a real problem - with just one glug you know it's quality and the initial thought is its another 10/10 to rival the Taylor's Hot Lava Java. I'm swilling it round now trying to pick holes in it... and I can't. It's strong, it lingers in your mouth and there's no hint of fruit, nuts, lemon or any other kind of novelty coffee adjective. I just can't bring myself to give it a ten just yet - it can't be as good as the HLG can it? This was not our coffee - we blagged it off someone else. We need to blag it again though as this review needs more evidence! 9/10

This one turned up from our rookie Judge "cougheee" with the bold claim of the next Lava Java. It was just the two of us and he made his first pot following the strict Judge's rules - 5 spoons. Holy shit - this thing was so strong he may as well have picked up a piece of lead piping instead and smashed me about the face with it. Surely there must have been a mistake in the making?  Tablespoons instead of dessert spoons maybe? So today Judge Hank is back, swaggering about, with the intention of putting things right. What gets delivered is thick, heavy and oily. Just by looking you know that this is going to hurt. And it does. So far under normal Judge rules this is the strongest thing ever tasted. The underlying taste is pleasant enough, but it's just hard to pick it out when your mouth is pouring with blood. Again I can't finish the cup - which must score it badly - but I know deep down there's a good coffee here, you just need to treat it like it's radioactive: handle carefully and brew in a lead lined caffetiere. I can only give it 6/10 for now - but I'm sure this will jump up when we get the strength right.  And this is a STRENGTH 4 for God's sake... I thought Waitrose was the store for lily-livered Guardian Readers!